‘Giant ball of fire in sky’ sparks panic across Wales

"The fuck's that, like?"

 

The entire population of Wales has been gazing upward with trepidation today at a large spherical object hanging in the sky that appears to be composed entirely of ‘raging yellow fire’.

“When you look up in Wales, all you should see is an impregnable layer of thick grey smog”, explained TV personality and weatherman Derek Jones. “Even I’ve fallen victim to this terror in the skies. I fell asleep in my mum’s conservatory and woke up in what I can only describe as being Satan’s lower colon”.

Dr Gavin Jones from the University of Bangor, who has been analysing the effect the ominous sky ball is having on its victims, said: “It appears to emit some kind of invisible energy that reddens the face and leaves one with an uncontrollable urge to go out and buy an orange Calippo. It then seems to force you into the garden to get shit-headed on pear cider before making you urinate on your neighbour’s flowerbed”.

“Or perhaps that’s just me”