Man replaces excitement of Love Island with punching himself in the face

 

A man has replaced the gap Love Island has left in his schedule with an hour long session of repeatedly punching himself in the face.

The reality dating show came to an end this week, with millions tuning in for the final episode. But following the show’s end, thousands have been left unable to fill the void with something just as mentally stimulating.

Steven Roberts, from Queensferry, claims to have found the solution, however. “My wife filled our house with it”, the 41 year old explained. “At first it really wasn’t for me, and by episode two I was beginning to stare into the fetid maw of my own mortality.

“But then it just grew on me. I think it must kill a part of your brain that handles the quality control of the information flowing in or something. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But by episode three I was away and have never looked back.”

Roberts says he has replaced the sensation it gave him by simply lamping himself in the temple for an hour straight every evening.

“It’s identical to watching Love Island”, he added. “You feel like a twat doing it and ultimately it will end with a massive brain haemorrhage. Sadly it’s not as quick as Love Island but it’ll do”.