NHS Wales to offer ‘Clap Screening’ directly outside Liquid & Envy

Get a diagnosis while you wait for a taxi

 

NHS Wales will soon be offering a Clap Screening station directly outside several of Wrexham’s premier night spots, it’s been revealed.

Dubbed the ‘Clap Van’, the mobile unit will save the healthcare system thousands of pounds in the future by simply identifying cases of Gonorrhoea at the earliest possible opportunity.

Rich Powell, who frequents the town’s bars most weekends, has welcomed the idea: “It’s handy, really handy”, said the 24-year-old. “It slots in perfectly with my night out: Club it, bang it, have a fight, Clap diagnosis with treatment, then a hot and spicy pizza. Not necessarily in that order”.

Health expert Simon Briggs has concerns about the idea, however. Speaking from Glyndwr University, the member of the health board said: “It’s effectively normalising sexual promiscuity. It’s like telling someone it’s okay to lose your inhibitions on a piss-soaked toilet floor because there’s a remedy outside that will absolve you of your dirty sins. They must scrap this service as soon as possible”.

“As long it’s not scrapped this week. I’m off to Envy for a leaving bash on Friday and you never know your luck, do you?”