A bumbling prick of a daddy longlegs is just waiting for you to open the back door so he can bounce aimlessly around your kitchen for no fucking reason, he has confirmed.
Stephen Roberts, a two week old crane fly from Colwyn Bay, says he’s been waiting on the other side of the door for hours after being drawn in by the glow of the light you stupidly left on.
“Just waiting for my moment”, said Roberts whilst somehow clinging on to the frosted glass. “I’m not sure what treasures lie beyond this door, but I’m going to brush my horrible gangly legs against your hands and face as soon as you open it”.
Roberts was eventually granted access to his destiny, which turned out to just be a screaming woman and a rolled up copy of yesterday’s Daily Mail.