Suspicious little shit buying eggs in Asda

I am wary of your sudden interest in eggs


A suspicious little twat-bag is buying an unusual quantity of eggs from Asda, it’s been revealed.

Tom Richards, 14, has shown zero interest in shopping all year, but has today bought three boxes of large organic eggs, a kilogram of flour, toilet rolls and Asda-brand shaving foam.

“Bake Off has really inspired me this year, so I’m cautiously attempting a very basic Victoria sponge with my mum later”, said Richards today when quizzed on his unusual shopping list. “I’m hoping this will lead to a new hobby or even a career”.

When asked what part the saving foam, water balloons and toilet rolls will play in his first baking weekend with mum, he added: “Oh that’s not for baking. I’m going to tee-pee the shit out of my neighbour’s Ford Mondeo on Tuesday. It’s Halloween innit”.