Supermarkets are once again brimming with aisle-blocking greedy bastards buying everything before you get a chance, it has emerged.
Arriving at the beginning of December, the hoard of infuriatingly slow maniacs are expected to be a permanent fixture until at least the 27th.
Dan Jones, 29, braved Asda this afternoon. “There aren’t even any tinned peach segments left. Who is fuck is panic buying tinned peach segments?” complained the dad of two.
“And I’ve had to settle for the more expensive 5% fat beef mince as all the 20% has been hoovered up by that gaggle of greedy trolley pushing bastards.”
Asda store manager Richard Price explained: “There is a little secret to avoiding all of this and it’s really simple. Judaism. Become Jewish and remain indoors. That really is the only way.”