London hit by some sleet – May to invest billions in snow defence

"We shall invest in your safety. Unless you're from Halifax or Wrexham"

 

Theresa May has allocated billions of pounds to tackle the threat of snowfall after the capital experienced a 20-minute wintry spell this afternoon.

Some areas of London were said to be so bad, some residents unlucky enough to be exposed to the easterly gust saw small accumulations of snow appear in the bottom corners of their recycling bins.

May was quick to reassure her people. “I am going to use the cash we put aside to tackle the constant flood threats faced by people north of Birmingham. This is clearly a more pressing matter; it’s literally snowing right now. Besides, it hasn’t rained for ages, has it?

By tomorrow it’s believed the capital will have a retractable roof, similar to the one on Centre Court at Wimbledon, that will automatically close at the push of a button.

When asked if North Wales has been allocated any funds to tackle the coming ‘Beast from the East’, May added: “You live in Wales for God’s sake; surely you own a big coat? Just wear that.”