Del Boy chuffed as nuclear shelter investment finally pays off

 

Fast-talking fly pitcher Del Boy and his dippy younger brother Rodney are having the last laugh today, after a ‘ridiculous’ investment made 37 years ago looks to have finally come good.

With a quantity of lead valued at £1,000 back in 1981, the brothers constructed their own nuclear fallout shelter amidst tension between the West and the Soviet Union. Nearly four decades on, the duo look set to become the UK’s last two remaining humans following serious threats from the Kremlin.

“Am I brilliant or am I brilliant?” said Derek today, rubbing his hands together. “I knew all along if I held onto this, it’d be worth something. In a few weeks time, me and Rodders will be the only humans left in Great Britain still breathing, and I’m pretty sure the council won’t be looking to prosecute me for unlicenced trading anymore either. Lovely jubbly”.

When asked how Rodney feels about their own private shelter, Del said: “He’s not convinced anymore. I’ve bet him a grand that the structure will keep us alive if Putin strikes. He’s bet me a grand that it won’t. The dipstick”.