Supermarkets are once again brimming with aisle-blocking greedy bastards buying everything before you get a chance, it has emerged.Read More
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BBC stalwart and naturalist Sir David Attenborough is thought to be the only male TV personality left who didn’t sexually assault a co-worker in the 80s, it has emerged.
A suspicious little twat-bag is buying an unusual quantity of eggs from Asda, it’s been revealed.
A dad is taking his son on a virtual tour of Chester Zoo on Google Earth after learning the cost of taking him there in real life.
A dog that was left traumatised by a neighbour setting off fireworks is planning on paying them back by barking continuously in the garden for the next 12 months, he has confirmed.
“You are seriously messy and it drives me mental”, a woman who inexplicably leaves thousands of little hair grips all over the fucking place has told her boyfriend.
The NHS is proposing to tackle the problem of insomnia by prescribing sufferers with just one dose of an England game, it’s been revealed.
A bumbling prick of a daddy longlegs is just waiting for you to open the back door so he can bounce aimlessly around your kitchen for no fucking reason, he has confirmed.
Potentially dangerous individuals have been much harder to identify since Rockports went out of fashion, police have admitted.
A loving father is just one ten minute Peppa Pig episode away from committing the biggest mass homicide in recent history, he has claimed.