A bumbling prick of a daddy longlegs is just waiting for you to open the back door so he can bounce aimlessly around your kitchen for no fucking reason, he has confirmed.
Rest of the UK
Potentially dangerous individuals have been much harder to identify since Rockports went out of fashion, police have admitted.
A loving father is just one ten minute Peppa Pig episode away from committing the biggest mass homicide in recent history, he has claimed.
UFC star Conor McGregor will attempt to conquer the world of snooker instead, his team has confirmed.
A man who insists on referring to his food as “noms” shall be beaten senseless by members of the public, a court has ordered.
Aldi are hoping to make nuclear holocaust survival affordable for everyone with prefabricated bomb shelters for just £400.
A man who is yet to watch any Game of Thrones episodes no longer has a place in society, it has emerged
Ringtone phenomenon “Crazy Frog” has revealed how a decade of substance abuse has left his life in tatters, blaming instant fame and a move to Deeside as the reasons for his downfall.
A man has replaced the gap Love Island has left in his schedule with an hour long session of repeatedly punching himself in the face.
“Prom” used to be called “Getting Off Your Tits in a Field”, over 30s have said.