A Welshman who regularly travels to the south of Spain has admitted that the only phrase he has in his armoury to impress his English-speaking Spanish friends is ‘dw i ddim yn hoffi coffi’, it’s been revealed.

Martin Price from Queensferry, Flintshire, said: “I’m the most Welsh person ever, just look at my Cymru tattoo above my arse. I just can’t get my head around all those awkward double L’s and D’s. I am however perfectly capable of informing people in my native tongue that I have a profound distaste for coffee.”

He continued: ‘The problem I have is that conversations have this tendency to mature into a slightly higher calibre of dialogue and away from the subject of coffee, at which point I’m just left feeling socially and culturally adrift”.

“When we brunch with Pedro and Maria and I’m offered a fresh cup of coffee I find myself getting unusually animated and shouty”.

He added: “But the main problem is that I just fucking love coffee. I can’t drink enough of the shit back home. I just don’t possess the linguistic skills required to express that in Welsh”.

“Dw i ddim yn hoffi coffi is the only thing that stands in the way of me being just another English bastard holidaying in Spain. It’s all I have”.