A little shitbag buying an unusually large quantity of eggs in Tesco today is just going to make a load of omelettes this weekend, he reckons.

Scott Davies, 13, claims he’s going to spend most of Saturday at home, frying up some tasty Spanish or even French omelettes.

“I love eggs, that’s why I bought three boxes of them”, he said leaving the supermarket. “As I have so many I might cook some for all of my neighbours too, especially the ones that don’t like me very much. I’m just making an effort”.

When quizzed on why he was also buying a bag of flour, water balloons and loads of toilet roll, he said: “Oh that, I’m just going to flour-bomb my neighbour a tee-pee his house. It’s Halloween”.