A new list of severe sanctions on North Korea has seen volatile leader Kim Jong-un land a lifetime ban from the Tiv, The National Assembly for Wales has confirmed.

Starting immediately, the ban means the 33-year-old tyrant is forbidden from entering the building or the club’s grounds, including the smoking area.

“We’re starting with the Tiv and we’re working our way up to other places”, explained House Leader Jane Hutt when asked about the crippling new sanctions. “Wales doesn’t really do any trade with North Korea, so we had no economic leverage, so we’re just banning him from places instead. We still think the Tiv ban will hit him where it hurts though”.

Tiv regular Mike Jones said: “He must be a bad lad if he’s banned from the Tiv, like. I smashed a bottle of VS Blue over my mate’s head and pissed on the dance floor and I’m still a regular”.