A man who insists on referring to his food as “noms” shall be beaten senseless by members of the public, a court has ordered.

34-year-old Jez Price posted a status on social media saying he was “having some nom noms” before heading to watch the new Spider-man film. Price now faces a two-hour public beating following a quick trial at Mold Crown Court.

Facebook friend Mike Jones, who reported the incident, said: “I’m all for the English language evolving, but I draw the line at noms. Noms can fuck off. That infuriating man-child is getting what he deserves”.

In similar news, another fully grown adult is facing severe punishment for counting down the days until his holiday in Majorca in “sleeps”.