– Warped Wales


Waiting for a carrier bag at self-service checkouts

It’s Saturday. There’s just one woman manning twelve self-service robots. She hasn’t noticed your flashing red beacon, but you don’t want to press the button again because she’s overworked and sweaty.

This is crazy, all you need is a plastic bag. For the love of God will someone please just invent a machine that spits out a 5p bag when you need one?

That’s it, you’ve waited long enough now. Time to carry your box of eggs, Hovis, Pepsi, Weetabix and Durex Extra Ribbed unaided. Now to retrieve your keys and unlock the car with your teeth.

Having to draw the Welsh flag in school

Sounds quite trivial, doesn’t it? Tell that to a six year old trying to draw this intricate mythical beast using a fat Crayon that crumbles the moment it hits the paper. It’s okay for the kids over the border, all they’ve got is a big red cross.

That being said, would we want any other flag? It has a massive dragon on it for God’s sake, how amazing is that?

Phone signal

Unfortunately we’ve still got one arse cheek well and truly stuck in the dark ages with this one. Yes, things are improving: You can get a solid three bars if you’re near Cardiff or Swansea, but head further west (or north), and you’ll find yourself searching for a phone box.

Erm, excuse us O2, but while you’re lavishing the English with buckets of lovely 4G, we’re still trying to send the occasional Whatsapp message over 3G back in the Valleys. Sort it.

Hearing an English person pronounce Llangollen

Imagine we were on holiday in England and said to someone, “Excuse me, which is the quickest way to Nor-which?” (Norwich).

Or, “What a night that was! I’m definitely coming back to Middles-Brog”, (Middlesbrough)

You’d think we were a right bunch of knobs. And not just for thinking that Middlesbrough was a decent night out.

It’s no different here. If you’re struggling with all the extra L’s and D’s, just approach a local and they’ll be more than happy to help you pronounce them. Unless you’re in Prestatyn. Do not approach anybody in Prestatyn.

Spelling the name of your town to an Indian call centre

We understand that this is a widespread thing and isn’t just limited to Wales, but let’s be honest, we’ve got it so much worse.

If you thought trying to spell Leicestershire or Worcestershire to a call handler in New Delhi was bad enough, try Llanfairfechan, Cwmystwyth, or dare I say it, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgoger…you get the point.

Do yourself a favour, save twelve minutes by just asking for the postcode.

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