The number of illegal migrants entering the UK has dropped considerably after the Immigration Office hired the services of Rosies door staff, it’s been revealed.

Standing at the entrance to the Euro Tunnel in Dover, the doormen are using the notoriously strict criteria used at the Chester nightclub, leaving thousands of travel-weary migrants with a long and cold walk home.

Immigration MP Sarah Clement said: “They are so picky with who they let in, it’s perfect. They make the migrants queue up behind a barrier and then deny them access just for wearing trainers. The great part is, most of them are wearing trainers”.

One migrant, who fled his home city of Aleppo after the Russian airstrikes, said: “I’m a dedicated Muslim, so I’ve never consumed alcohol in my life. Unfortunately they won’t let me in because I’m too drunk. It’s disgusting, they’re treating me like I’m from Wrexham”.